A Piece for Myself And Her
I sacrifice my times with my times with my friends a lot for myself , for my results . I sacrifice my interact meetings for my results and my mum's satisfaction . I sacrifice my times to sleep to study .
HER
The her is my sister , Emira Farzana .
After PMR , i'd be gone to Brunei for about a month so that i wouldnt distract or disturb her with her SPM when i just wish to stay in Brunei for a week only just to spend time with my friends . Those who I have been sacrifising my times with . Tomorrow , the whole dance crew would be hanging out at Sunway Pyramid , kinda a reunite thing and all id be doing is studying wishing that I can reunite with them when PMR ends . Yesterday , 10th of July 2009 , is the last day i'd sacrifise for her . Lies ive been through with my mum mostly cause i sacrifised for her . Truthfully , i have long phone bills is cause i talk about her . How much I wish she could find someone better , how much i wish i didnt lie to my mum for her but somehow i had to , how much I wish these 2 years of me lying cause of this guy who doesnt deserve or suit my sister would end , how much I love both sides , my mum and my sister , that i had to lie to them , How much I wanna express my true feelings to each of them but its they themselves are making it hard for me to say it , How much i wish my mum's shouting and screaming would end , How much I was wishing for a peace in the family and peace in the heart , How much I wanna stop talking bout this problem to my friends ( The ones that I owe listening to this are Sera, Dalila , Nadirah , Amir , Farhan , Nasri , Shahid And of course Muhammad Nazmi ) , Its honestly been 2 suffering years for me but all I could do is lie to my sister that Im happy but deepdeep inside i live in a sorrow , All the things ive done with her , the crazy stuff was so that i can bond with her , hoping that she'd appreciate me instead of that guy i've been lying for 2 years , hoping that she'd appreciate what i've been doing for her . But instead when she says , " Eisha , next year i bawak you gie shopping and we can go clubbing together kayyy ? Eisha , next year , we can go to Port Dickson together kayyy ? And all I could ever think of is that she wants me to lie to my mum again and just for her to spend time with that guy , that I've been lying for 2 years for . I've been lying for a relationship bond between my sister and me for 2 years , but sacrifising my trust from my mum . I've been lying for a guy with my sister for 2 years hoping for a bond with my sister , but if i tell the truth to my mum , the bond will be gone . Please chachik , understand me for once , truthfully and honestly , i'm not lying this time , all ive been seeking for is your love and mama's tears to stop . All i've been wanting for is just so that you won't shout to mama and mama won't shout to you . 3 days ago , in school , during mathematics class , I cried thinking that I wanna give up on studies . Thinking that there's no point for me to get my future right but not have a bond with my family . There's no point if i get my future right but living in a house that's still occupied with screaming and shouting . When I came home , I couldnt tell what I feel to my mum , i didnt like that . I hoped to tell my sister how i feel during the weekends , but i know if i did , I'd put her into a hard situation . So , there I ended up calling my friends ( Amir and Nadirah ) on the phone , crying , telling them that tired of this . Telling that I wanna solve this but I can't . All I can do is just stay this way , Confused , Sad , Lying , and Thinking bout others . And their advice was to admit to my mum the truth , but i know I can't cause of you , Chachik . I've done a lot for you , hoping just for a bond with you .
Yesterday 10th of July is the day where I knew that the guy failed most of his subjects for SPM , where I found my heart cleared out . And there I was saying " I love you " to my mum and " Thanks for solving this 2 years of me lying to you and sacrifising for chachik " . When I reached tuition , I cried infront of Shahid . Tears of joy for the first time in my life , I cried cause of happiness . I'm not willing to sacrifise anymore , and its time for me to think of myself . Its been 2 years and 10th of July is the date where my heart sat in peace . Its not fully settled down yet , cause Im still afraid . Im afraid if what happend and this post will make me loose me and my sister's bond . Im afraid that this thing wouldnt end . But all I could do is have hope that things would be alright cause I think 2 years of sacrifising for her is good enough and worth more than just a normal bond between sisters .
NOW
I wanna to thank my friends who have been listening to this problems for 2 years . I've admitted to my mum the truth on why i've been calling people ( its cause i can't choose either what to do on this particullar problem ) . Thank my mum for solving this problem . I have to focus on my PMR ( Amir's advice ). Think about myself for once ( Nadirah's advice ) . Find a better guy for my sister ( Sera's advice ) Chill ( Nabila's advice ) Stop thinking about this problem ( Shahid's advice ) Stop crying of happiness and being hyper in tuition ( Chun Kit's advice on the date itself at tuition ) . Other friends have been a great shoulder to cry on and express how I feel to . I have to thank Allah for a chance for me to settle things down . I can focus on my PMR . and all I can do know is just HOPE . Hope for things to get better and a better guy would appear in my sister's life without me sacrifising this time and with my mum's agreement . She's already going to college , she's not in highschool anymore . Its time for her to get my mum's agreement on guys , but the right guy . I have to make sure I won't think that there's no point of setting my future's right .
Love and Truthfully ,
Eniza Fasiha bte Ellias .
HER
The her is my sister , Emira Farzana .
After PMR , i'd be gone to Brunei for about a month so that i wouldnt distract or disturb her with her SPM when i just wish to stay in Brunei for a week only just to spend time with my friends . Those who I have been sacrifising my times with . Tomorrow , the whole dance crew would be hanging out at Sunway Pyramid , kinda a reunite thing and all id be doing is studying wishing that I can reunite with them when PMR ends . Yesterday , 10th of July 2009 , is the last day i'd sacrifise for her . Lies ive been through with my mum mostly cause i sacrifised for her . Truthfully , i have long phone bills is cause i talk about her . How much I wish she could find someone better , how much i wish i didnt lie to my mum for her but somehow i had to , how much I wish these 2 years of me lying cause of this guy who doesnt deserve or suit my sister would end , how much I love both sides , my mum and my sister , that i had to lie to them , How much I wanna express my true feelings to each of them but its they themselves are making it hard for me to say it , How much i wish my mum's shouting and screaming would end , How much I was wishing for a peace in the family and peace in the heart , How much I wanna stop talking bout this problem to my friends ( The ones that I owe listening to this are Sera, Dalila , Nadirah , Amir , Farhan , Nasri , Shahid And of course Muhammad Nazmi ) , Its honestly been 2 suffering years for me but all I could do is lie to my sister that Im happy but deepdeep inside i live in a sorrow , All the things ive done with her , the crazy stuff was so that i can bond with her , hoping that she'd appreciate me instead of that guy i've been lying for 2 years , hoping that she'd appreciate what i've been doing for her . But instead when she says , " Eisha , next year i bawak you gie shopping and we can go clubbing together kayyy ? Eisha , next year , we can go to Port Dickson together kayyy ? And all I could ever think of is that she wants me to lie to my mum again and just for her to spend time with that guy , that I've been lying for 2 years for . I've been lying for a relationship bond between my sister and me for 2 years , but sacrifising my trust from my mum . I've been lying for a guy with my sister for 2 years hoping for a bond with my sister , but if i tell the truth to my mum , the bond will be gone . Please chachik , understand me for once , truthfully and honestly , i'm not lying this time , all ive been seeking for is your love and mama's tears to stop . All i've been wanting for is just so that you won't shout to mama and mama won't shout to you . 3 days ago , in school , during mathematics class , I cried thinking that I wanna give up on studies . Thinking that there's no point for me to get my future right but not have a bond with my family . There's no point if i get my future right but living in a house that's still occupied with screaming and shouting . When I came home , I couldnt tell what I feel to my mum , i didnt like that . I hoped to tell my sister how i feel during the weekends , but i know if i did , I'd put her into a hard situation . So , there I ended up calling my friends ( Amir and Nadirah ) on the phone , crying , telling them that tired of this . Telling that I wanna solve this but I can't . All I can do is just stay this way , Confused , Sad , Lying , and Thinking bout others . And their advice was to admit to my mum the truth , but i know I can't cause of you , Chachik . I've done a lot for you , hoping just for a bond with you .
Yesterday 10th of July is the day where I knew that the guy failed most of his subjects for SPM , where I found my heart cleared out . And there I was saying " I love you " to my mum and " Thanks for solving this 2 years of me lying to you and sacrifising for chachik " . When I reached tuition , I cried infront of Shahid . Tears of joy for the first time in my life , I cried cause of happiness . I'm not willing to sacrifise anymore , and its time for me to think of myself . Its been 2 years and 10th of July is the date where my heart sat in peace . Its not fully settled down yet , cause Im still afraid . Im afraid if what happend and this post will make me loose me and my sister's bond . Im afraid that this thing wouldnt end . But all I could do is have hope that things would be alright cause I think 2 years of sacrifising for her is good enough and worth more than just a normal bond between sisters .
NOW
I wanna to thank my friends who have been listening to this problems for 2 years . I've admitted to my mum the truth on why i've been calling people ( its cause i can't choose either what to do on this particullar problem ) . Thank my mum for solving this problem . I have to focus on my PMR ( Amir's advice ). Think about myself for once ( Nadirah's advice ) . Find a better guy for my sister ( Sera's advice ) Chill ( Nabila's advice ) Stop thinking about this problem ( Shahid's advice ) Stop crying of happiness and being hyper in tuition ( Chun Kit's advice on the date itself at tuition ) . Other friends have been a great shoulder to cry on and express how I feel to . I have to thank Allah for a chance for me to settle things down . I can focus on my PMR . and all I can do know is just HOPE . Hope for things to get better and a better guy would appear in my sister's life without me sacrifising this time and with my mum's agreement . She's already going to college , she's not in highschool anymore . Its time for her to get my mum's agreement on guys , but the right guy . I have to make sure I won't think that there's no point of setting my future's right .
Love and Truthfully ,
Eniza Fasiha bte Ellias .
posted by Eniza Fasiha bte Ellias at
8:02 PM
3 Comments:
yeah eniza hope its over. btw pmr whats really matter now ! dun ever thinking giving up on studies. haha goodluck
hello there, just dropping by.
i have to say tht you're a really strong girl and you really do care abt your loved ones. you have such great friends too :)
good luck eniza, in evrythng you do :)
Dear Eisha,
There will always be dramas in the house -- it shows how much we care for each other (or care TOO MUCH of each other hehe), which is actually, kinda good.
You do not have to sacrifice so much, always think of yourself first, before you think of others. I have to agree, you care so much for everyone in the family, that you want to make it right for everyone and make everyone happy. But what's the point if you're not happy kan? Make sure you're happy first!
Do not let all these 'give up on studying' thoughts get into you. Look at it as something small: it will pass as time goes by. Just be patient, sabar tu separuh daripada iman :)
All the best with studies ok! I'll be back soon, before you guys realize it hehe.
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